Letters to Anna, from Johan
by Sadari
Summary: Johan kept a small diary which he never parted with until he can finally show himself to Anna/Nina in Heidelberg. He originally planned to send the letters he made to Anna, but he found it too inconvenient because the post office will read his letters. He decided to keep the letters in a form of diary, until such time that Anna can read his letters to herself.
1. September 17, 1986

September 17, 1986

[first page of the diary]

* * *

**This is not Johan**

This is Johan. NO, this is not Johan.

I am Anna, and Anna is me. Anna should become Johan too.

I traveled east, she traveled west. We must soon find each other, the monster should be united once more.

I have no name,

she has no name

but someone's name must be my name too.

How about Johan?

Oh no,

all the people who could call me by that name have disappeared.

So Anna, too, must disappear.


	2. How the Letters came to be

**How the Letters came to be**

* * *

Johan kept a small diary which he never parted with until he can finally show himself to Anna/Nina in Heidelberg. He originally planned to send the letters he made to Anna, but he found it too inconvenient because the post office will read his letters. Determined not to leave a trace of his existence, he decided to keep the letters in a form of diary, until such time that Anna can read it all to her self.

The diary was small enough to fit in his coat's inside pocket. Written in a graceful cursive handwriting, Anna found the browned diary on Johan's hospital bed when he escaped.

Johan started writing his letters on September 17, 1986. The last page of the diary dates July 1997, but Anna does not know for sure if it's the last entry because a few pages has been torn.

One of the pages contains Johan's signature, but the page where it appears has its upper half torn and lined with burn marks. The page next to it seems to be lost too. His signature looks as though Anna and Johan is subtly merged with two eyes-like tails on the 'A' and 'N'.

The diary also contains a sketch of a the 5-year-old Johan and Anna, a neighborhood, probably one that he stayed on as a foster child, and, a more interesting picture, the room in the Red Rose Mansion where the reading seminar was held (he evendrew Bonaparta holding Obluda). An annotation scribbled on the lower right margin read: "This is where it all began. Find the other Monster that creates the Little Monsters". The intricacy of the details is so superb he could have been an illustrator.

An old man from across the house where he once lived told Anna he had let him touch the diary, but not to open it. He said it contains his own understanding of fear. The old man swore he did fear the diary and never touched it again.

Finally, on the back cover of the diary, these words are scrawled in German:

-A record of memories I assumed to be mine.


	3. September 27, 1986

**September 27, 1986**

* * *

Mein lieber Anna,

_I hope you didn't forget about me. I'm still alive, but don't worry, it's not your fault that I'm alive. It is Herr Doktor Tenma's choice to save me, Anna. One day, I'll find you and we shall be together again. Always remember, that I am you, and you are me. Wherever you are, always know that I'm right behind you._

Johan


	4. October 2, 1986

**October 2, 1986**

* * *

Mein Lieber Anna

_I don't know why I have a new toy. I didn't wished for a train. I wonder, did your new parents give you a doll? Don't give it a name Anna. They do not deserve a name._

Johan


	5. October 4, 1986

**October 4, 1986**

* * *

Anna

_Did you really try to save me that day, or did you just confuse me with my sister? What they did to those people, they deserved it. They were monsters with big eyes and big mouths. Have you survived the fire? I hope you didn't. The fire will be good for you. It was fun watching it, did you know?_

Johan


	6. October 31, 1986

**October 31, 1986**

* * *

Mein lieber Anna,

_When I look into the mirror it's your face that I see. Your golden, curly hair. Your soulful, perfect blue eyes and your rose tinted cheek. How I wish to see you again! But I can't, given the present arrangements I am in. But I will see you soon, so wait for me. Just like before. Welcome me home, Anna._

Johan


	7. October 10, 1986

**November 10, 1986**

* * *

Mein Lieber Anna,

_I heard them shout for help through the crackling fire. If you could just see their faces Anna, you'll see how pathetic they are. I wonder if I should do that to my new school… To see how frustrated monsters react in sight of their end. Up in the fire, like how the smoke is carried away by the wind into oblivion. They would cry for salvation, surely. They will want to leave something behind, a proof of their existence. But they don't have to, because like us, __**they didn't exist at all**__. _

Johan


	8. November 15, 1986

**November 15, 1986**

* * *

Mein Lieber Anna

_I decided to hold it off a while Anna, the arson. Something interesting crossed my mind. How about making best of friends hate each other? and then make them kill each other along the process? A better show, isn't it? Now, I have this two classmates from my English class …_

Johan


	9. November 17, 1986

**November 17, 1986**

* * *

Mein Lieber Anna,

_General Wolf was on TV today. He looks so nice on TV, but only his subordinates know who he really is. This reminds me of that fateful day on the Czechoslovakian border. The warm blanket and a name both of us was just a façade. He lent us our names, the Anna and Johan. But he made a mistake on doing such. A monster on the verge of death should not be revived, because if one does, it becomes stronger and bolder everyday._

Johan


	10. November 22, 1986

**November 22, 1986**

* * *

Mein lieber Anna,

It's like I'm in Kinderheim 511 again. All my teachers say I'm a model student, an academic everyone should look up to. Sure, the children in this part of Hümmling are all bunch of under achievers. But unlike 511, the children here are innocent of the reality, and does not in their short lives encountered and faced the darkest pf the dark. Had they seen the horrors we had to undergo… The bitter chocolates and tasteless soups… Anna, you are lucky. You survived the tempest of the Red Rose Mansion. You lived to tell the tale. However, you failed your promise on me. You didn't aim properly, and you didn't run. Instead, you let the Monster devour you. I will find you soon, and then…

Johan


	11. November 29, 1986

**November 29, 1986**

* * *

Mein Lieber Anna,

_I saw a banker in the churchyard today. He said that his bank is going down to bankruptcy fast, if he does not find any solution to the sudden withdrawal of funds. He told me that he feels as though his competitors are poisoning the minds of his investors. But he came to the right place. I offered him my service Anna, in exchange of a small favor. I asked him to teach me how the banking system works, and how does money transform into all other forms man could think of. He was very reluctant, thinking what could a boy of 11 do for a multi-million deutschmark bank. However, he accepted my offer. I promised him a lucrative bank after a few years. He laughed at me, but after I talked about him of my plans, he suddenly stood aghast. He never thought I could ever think of it. He promised me a big commission if my plan works (a few percent of the profits, which by my calculations is roughly a couple million deutschmarks). I will buy that house you saw on the countryside while going to the Liebert's. We'll plant many roses 'round it. How about _Red Rose Palace_ for a name?_

Johan


	12. December 2, 1986

Mein lieber Anna,

_Every Tuesday my teacher would let me go earlier than the rest. She wants to have extra time with my studying as she would recommend me to a scholarship sponsored by the local government. I've had enough of government sponsored programs… the last time Anna underwent one we've been put on a hellhole. So I called Herr Berchtold, and he fetched me and took me to his office. He did teach me quite a lot. Amazing how money makes the world go round. I told him one day Europe would adopt a single currency, and he asked me why. I said,_ "Will it always be Russia and America's game?". _He looked at me in the eye and said,_ "Johan, if everything you told me would even happen, and I'm willing to wager all there is to me, all my wealth would be yours.". _Nice call Berchtold._

"Would you ever do that, sir?"

"Of course I would. But then again what you're saying is infantile and impossible."

"Why don't we make a contract signed and sealed by the notary?". _ He looked incredulous. _

"All the better."

_He called his secretary. He asked him to make a contract._

"Now Johan, I need you to sign your name here." _He pointed at the line beneath the sea of legal terms._

"I don't have a name. I can't sign my name." _I answered. There was a hint of amusement in his eyes._

"Then just sign a name that you could identify as yours and yours only."

_It didn't took me a minute. I signed my name in its full glory._

"Anna-Johan?" _Herr Berchtold's voice sounded funny._

"Yes. It's mine and mine only"

"Ah, well"

_Now I've got the seed Anna, and I will watch it grow. It will haunt the Monster._

Johan


	13. December 3, 1986

**December 3, 1986**

* * *

Mein Lieber Anna,

_I told you, everything you saw was yours… because I can give you all of that. When I get my share in this play I'll see you soon enough. You know I cannot live without you, I live as you live. You know my what I'm most afraid of? Forgetting you, Anna. There's only you and and me in this world. They'll make me forget you, but you'll never get out of my mind._

Johan


	14. December 6, 1986

**December 6, 1986**

* * *

Mein Lieber Anna,

_Another banker was introduced to me by Herr Berchtold, but he wouldn't tell me his name. But I'll know it soon enough. I remember his face from somewhere… from East Germany I think._

_He told me he his bank is in great peril, and desperately need any help. I refused him at first. I want his complete trust._

"Herr —"

"Lange. Josef Lange."

"Is that your real name?"

_He did not answer right away. It makes me interested._

"Why yes it is."

"I do not believe it to be so. I cannot help you Herr Lange"

"Come now boy, why are you so into my name? Whether it's Lange or Berchtold or Neumann it is not important. I need your help… Ah, yes, you're just a kid. Berchtold's 'luck' was not due to your brilliance but because destiny was on his side"_ Lange said._

_I walked past him, and stood by the door._

"Herr Berchtold, you Herr Lange does not require my assistance. Let us go now."

Berchtold followed me to the door.

"Johan, please. My friend here is about to lose his bank"

_I smiled at Herr Berchtold. This man is very useful to me._

"Herr Lange, I will help you keep your bank afloat. But you must first tell me your name. You see, I can't work with someone without a name. Last time I did I almost died." _ I looked at him intently, and he looked at me too._

"Alright, my name is Josef Fuchs. Now tell me what to do."

"Now that's nice. Give me your books."

_Fuchs agreed to give me 10 percent of his profits should I prove to be helpful. Another shot at money making Anna. I'll visit you in Heidelberg soon._

Johan


	15. December 11, 1986

**December 11, 1986**

* * *

Mein Lieber Anna,

_The government sent me to another foster family again. This time though, they acquired a childless couple to be my guardian for a year. They said if I turned out to be a charming boy, they'll adopt me. Just see how people really are into utility more than anything else. I can be anything they want me to be. That's what Kinderheim 511 is all about. However, if it is them I find useless, they have to be eliminated. Yes Anna, Aunt and Uncle Liebert died because they are not useful anymore. Imagine, they took the Monster to their home, and led him to our room. He stared at you with his evil eyes. That's I why I killed them. They begged me not to, but they don't understand the danger they brought upon us. What if the Monster took you away from me? Do you want to be incarcerated in that dark room again? The Monster was lucky enough to escape, but I will hunt him and kill him. I will keep the other me safe. There should only be the two of us in this world Anna. Only the two of us should see the end of the world._

Johan


	16. December 14, 1986

**December 14, 1986**

* * *

Mein Lieber Anna,

_Let's see._

_Since I moved south, I'm nearer to you now. I should visit you.. how about on Christmas? I'm making a sketch of the neighborhood I am in now. I'll bring it and show it to on our meeting. I looked up your address, the Fortner household. We're in the same living conditions, under the care of a childless couple. But you have a surname now, Anna Fortner. Lovely combination for a lovely girl. I hope they're still calling you 'Anna', because you can always call me 'Johan'._

Johan

[picture: a sketch of a street with a brick house in the middle]


	17. December 18, 1986

**December 18, 1986**

* * *

Mein lieber Anna,

_The bankers were looking for me, but I don't want to show myself just now. I feel like I'm being a genie, granting their wishes every time. I am not subject to their approval Anna, or to anyone. I do as I please. Besides, if I keep on helping them, it will be them that will benefit more, not me, not us. When I visit you this Christmas, I'll ask money from them… I'm sure they won't say no, and you'll get many presents from me. I also asked someone to alert me if the Monster should appear near us. There will be no more thorns scratching our skin. We will be the masters of everything around us._

Johan


	18. December 21, 1986

**December 21, 1986**

* * *

Mein Lieber Anna,

_I received a book from Kris Kringle. My classmate said I should be reading a lot of books, and that he thought I would enjoy his book a lot. Guess what Anna, it's a book about the Prague Spring and the things that happened after it. We were even there, in the book! On chapter 8, entitled 'Border control', on page 64 the author said_ 'I saw two children walking across the border, a boy and a girl, both with blonde hair. I was moved to pity by the scene, but to my surprise, my legs won't move, and my eyes would just stare at them. There were wounds on their skin, the girl fell to the ground. She seemed to fatigued, and the boy, her brother I presume, tried to carry her. What strength the boy had! He carried his sister until his own legs gave out. I saw a military jeep with four men on it rescued them. I never saw that two children again, but when I do, I'll interview them about the happenings inside Prague at that time'.

_And we are those children Anna! That's when General Helmut Wolf rescued us from near death, but took me to Kinderheim 511, and we were separated from each other. That reminds me… General Wolf still owes me that. He's got to pay for our separation._

Johan


	19. December 25, 1986

**December 25, 1986**

* * *

Mein lieber (Anna),

_Nina Fortner? Is that your name now? I talked to your next door neighbor, Elisabeth Braun, she said she does not know any Anna Liebert. She said you were Nina Fortner, Mr. and Mrs. Fortner's only child. I asked her about you, she said you had an accident a year ago, and you can't remember anything prior to your accident._

_I've seen your biggest smile, right under your Christmas tree, opening your presents. Half of them came from me (__Anna)__ Nina, and I'm so happy you liked them. But I'm so sad. Sad, sad, sad. You didn't recognise my handwriting. You didn't even recognise me when I pressed my face on your frosty window. You looked at me, and even smiled at me, but you dismissed me as a random boy from your neighbourhood. I missed you, how can you even forget me? Am I really alone in this world? I thought we'll both meet the end, and watch everyone die until it's only the two of us left. Where are you (__Anna)__? Where am I?_

(Johan)


	20. January 1, 1987

**January 1, 1987**

* * *

Mein lieber Anna,

_I decided not to follow you for the time being. Your condition frightens me most of all. I want to know your every move, your every plan, your every breath. But given that you are no longer Anna, I'm suddenly disheartened on showing myself to you. Still, don't get me wrong Anna. I've got to hold on to my other self if I want to live. There's nothing in this world but scumbags and everything resembling it. The monster living in you now sleeps, but for how long? The New Year of '87 was a very happy event for you it seemed, having a false mother and father by your side. How could you prefer them over me… your other self? If there is one thing I wish now, it is your memory of me to come back. I will help you regain your memories, when the right time comes. But for now, I'll work on getting us power over men._

Johan


	21. January 3, 1987

**January 3, 1987**

* * *

Mein lieber Anna,

_Oh no. You have forgotten just about everything Anna. You forgot all about me. What of those things you told me, the ones you told me you'd keep? Clearly you cannot keep them now, so starting today, 3rd of January in the year when you're officially a Fortner, those memories you told me are mine to keep. The events that happened in the Red Rose mansion will be my memories, and I will keep them alive in me. The Anna you forgot, I will be. Anna and Johan will be residing in this mortal shell, and you will be Nina until we meet again. I will still protect you, because there's still the monster in you, because one day, I know I give all your memories back to you. And when that happens, prepare yourself. We'll meet the end we both saw years ago. You will want to destroy me because of it, you will hunt me down and kill me. But you will never pull the trigger, that I know. You couldn't kill your other self without killing yourself first. Come down the path of destruction, and I will walk with you. Goodbye for now. _

Johan


	22. January 7, 1987

**January 7, 1987**

* * *

Mein lieber Anna,

_My 21st letter to you is being written on a moving black Lamborghini Jalpa. Herr Berchtold finally found me, or more accurately, I showed myself up. Herr Berchtold ordered his men to bring me to his manor in Munich. The men escorting me are all heavily armed, including the chauffeur. Finally Anna, finally. He's going to present me to his friends and investors. Imagine that, the people behind the banking in Bavaria… they were recognizing our power. Plus, there was someone in this car i'm delighted to see—the young man whom they call Roberto. I remember him from the 511 records. My escort said he'll be my guard from now on. I know it'll be easy with Roberto as my guard… he knows I'm not an ordinary 11-year-old. I can now see Schloss Nymphenburg, indeed,Bavaria is the place for the wealthy. Opportunity… and it comes. And I never forget anything Anna, the monster inside me will never cease to exist. One day I will run my own bank, and when others are relying on it with all their life, I'm going to destroy it in a blink of an eye. Ha… if you could just feel this now Anna. This is the domination of the demon._

Johan


	23. January 8, 1987

**January 8, 1987**

* * *

Mein lieber Anna,

_I've seen it. The people's reactions when they saw me… were very much the same with what you've told me. Their eyes were critical, like I'm a jewel being appraised. Only that their glasses of wine had no poison. There weren't rose bushes around the vicinity too. It is the manor of a person who worshipped money, with friends and acquaintances who loved their money equally too. These people disgust me, Anna. Money is all there is to their existence. It makes me wonder, how they got to live their lives with only one goal in their minds: accumulation of more money. Living, to them, is defined by the number of zeroes in their bank accounts, the times they play golf in a week, and the number of mistresses they have. These people… these people are the kind of people whom I would want to kill just for the sake of killing. There is no meaning to their lives. In fact, they do not have authentic existence. They are no more than like us. Do they exist, Anna? Let me ask you that. I am going to waste my time with them… but still, still i want to see the end for them. It will be the most amusing sight._

Johan


End file.
